Talking to Young People about Terrorism and War
Sadly, we are now in the position as parents of needing to help our children
gain some understanding and reassurance in light of recent events that have
taken place in our country and in the world.
This is a difficult topic to approach but it also gives us the
opportunity to help our children feel more secure. The following may be helpful to you as you talk with your
children:
Listen to Your Children:
Create a time and place for them to ask questions. Don't
force them to talk about things until they're ready.
Remember that children tend to personalize situations. For example, they may
worry about friends or relatives who live in a city associated with recent
events.
Help your children find ways to express themselves. They may not be able to talk
about their thoughts, feelings or fears. They may be more comfortable drawing
pictures, playing or writing stories indirectly related to current events.
Teens may feel frustrated and helpless and may need to channel their need
for action in a relevant or positive way.
Answer Your Children's Questions:
Use words and concepts they can understand, appropriate to their age and level
of understanding. Don't overload them with too much information.
Give them honest answers and information. With
teens, encourage educated discussion keeping in mind their (often unspoken) need
to feel safe.
Be prepared to repeat explanations or have several conversations. Some
information may be hard to accept or understand. Asking the same question over
and over may be your child's way of asking for reassurance.
Acknowledge and support their thoughts and feelings. Let them know their questions and concerns matter.
Avoid stereotyping groups of people by race, nationality or religion.
Help them separate their thoughts and feelings about the specific people
responsible from those people of the same nationality or religion.
Use this opportunity to teach tolerance.
Remember that children and teens learn from watching their parents. They are
very interested in how you are responding.
Provide Support:
Don't let your children watch much violence or upsetting images on TV.
Repetitive frightening images or scenes can be very disturbing,
especially to young children.
Establish a predictable routine and schedule.
Children of all ages feel reassured by structure and familiarity.
Children who have experienced trauma or loss may show more intense reactions.
They may need extra support and attention.
Watch for physical symptoms related to stress or anxiety.
They may have more aches and pains, ongoing difficulty with sleep or
scary dreams, preoccupation with violent themes or have trouble leaving you to
go to school. Teens may withdraw or be irritable and angry.
Children and teens feeling very stressed may benefit from talking to a counselor
or psychologist.
Let your child be a child.
They may not want to think or talk a lot about these events. It’s fine
if they'd rather play with their friends, climb trees or ride their bike etc.
Allow or encourage your teen to pursue healthy activities such as
volunteering, sports, writing in a journal or spending time with supportive
friends, etc.
War and terrorism are difficult to comprehend or accept. Our children may
naturally feel confused, upset, and anxious.
We can help by listening and responding in an honest, consistent and
supportive manner. Most children, even those exposed to trauma, are quite
resilient. By creating a home where your children feel free to talk about their
concerns, you are helping them to handle this difficult situation in a healthy
and constructive manner.
If you have questions or would like more comprehensive information about how to talk with your children or teens about terrorism and war, please contact Jon Scripter, Counselor, or Sue Bull-Pelfrey, School Psychologist, at 285-1162.